From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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