Where is the hickey?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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