Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
