just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
