I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
