dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And then he peed in my hair
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