I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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