He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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