8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
