So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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