I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize