i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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