just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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