don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
