I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
