My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
