Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
