I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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