So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
