Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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