so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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