There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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