i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
