And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
