My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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