So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Buhtt sex?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
