mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
