Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
