i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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