Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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