I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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