Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
