Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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