"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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