He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
