i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
