at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
