I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize