Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
