Say something about gay babies.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
