I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
