How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
