Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
