If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
smell my finger.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
