wanna go halves on a baby?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
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I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
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I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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