So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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