You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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