i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
