In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.