If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed