God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??