she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
