i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
