Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
