just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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