Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
