My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have fence marks all over my body
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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