I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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