In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
barbara walters just said penis...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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