Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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