I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
