How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just gift wrapped bread.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
