New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
