Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
